just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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