fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
