look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Randomize
