So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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