I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
