You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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