Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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