eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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