she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
