I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Hippo gnu deer
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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