Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
FUCK WHALES
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
