let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
