Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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