I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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