she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
