U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
