I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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