roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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