I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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