Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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