my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
