im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
