dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Welp...herpes.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
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