Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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