I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
