You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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