I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
ok first of all what the fuck
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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