Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
