coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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