the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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