This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
