You really coming over, don't trick.
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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