Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
