You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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