Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
