what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Naked. naked and bneed help.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
