I think I won the penis lottery.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Randomize
