i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
