its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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