it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
