: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Randomize
