the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
