This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
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