Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Randomize
