Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
