why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
