This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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