Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
