she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Randomize
