No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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