So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
