I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
