i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
