Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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