just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
