Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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