i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
and you fell through a lawn chair
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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