sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
i out mim tonsoeep
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