He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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