OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
