the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
