oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
