well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
