I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
