Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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