He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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