Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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